Q&A: What Makes the Difference In Having Compassion in Ministry?

Ministry people all have their own experiences with enduring hardness and I specifically asked a group of people in and around ministry what factors they believed made the difference in having compassion. These answers come from a range of ages and places around the country.

Here is what they had to say!

“I think one thing that makes a difference is if we are serving for God or serving for the people.” ~Pastor’s Wife in Vermont

“I’ve seen those that get hardened usually have pride, they forget the grace given to them, they base their ‘service’ on results, or they themselves operate from a position of going through the motions. The service they render is no longer real to them and heart is far from the ministry at hand. Regarding the tender-hearted, they maintain a level of humility, they are thankful for the grace given by God and man, they never forget where they could be, and they walk with God, which keeps them tender and humble. As we draw closer to a loving God, we recognize the love we don’t deserve and are willing to share it because it was given so freely to us. As one person put it, salvation is one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread. It’s when we stop seeing ourselves that way that we start getting hardened.” ~Pastor in New Mexico

“Always remember that even when people offend us; God has not changed; people offending us should never change our service to Him. I imagine it helps to focus your mind on those who still serve God as opposed to those who don’t.” ~Youth Pastor’s Wife in Maryland

“Maybe it is judging versus forgiving. Knowing that we are all sinners and that another’s sin is no better or worse than our own. Just a different sin. We have a tendency to judge people harshly if their sin is different than ours. When we realize how wicked we are then, we can have a more forgiving attitude and loving spirit toward those we serve or those that serve us. Mom was a prime example of that. She had the most forgiving spirit I have ever known. It was almost like she didn’t even know they ever did anything wrong. She loved and she was loved!” ~Senior Saint that was a Pastor’s Kid

“Realizing that ‘… we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places’ (Ephesians 6:12) The devil loves it when believers are hard against each other, for then the gospel is hindered. Also, forgiving those who hurt us, and seeking forgiveness when we’ve hurt someone…because we will hurt people whether we mean to or not. Bottom line is just striving to be like Jesus, Who reviled not when He was reviled, and Who sacrificed Himself for us.” ~Pastor’s Wife in Michigan

“Forgiveness,Forgiveness,Forgiveness!!! So simply said, but hard to do at times!” ~Pastor’s Wife

“Perspective…when we view people through God’s eyes, we see them much differently than when viewed through our sin marred eyes.” ~Sunday School Teacher in Oklahoma

“Realize they are human and that they are probably hurting. I’ve been a pastor’s kid and preacher’s wife. Hard on both ends. Always do what Jesus would, with His heart and not your own.” ~Pastor’s Wife in New York

Taking some specific thoughts from the answers above, check your life and heart and think about whether you do these things.

  • Do I serve God instead of man?
  • Do I have humility instead of pride?
  • Do I have tenderness that comes from a thankful heart?
  • Do I recognize the love God has given to me and share it?
  • Do I focus on God who does not change, even when offenses come?
  • Do I see who I am as a sinner or focus on judging people because their sin is different?
  • Do I forgive over and over again?
  • Do I recognize the problems that come are likely a result of a spiritual battle?
  • Do I view people from God’s perspective or my own?
  • Do I love with God’s heart even when I do not feel like it?

A Few Thoughts From The Ministry Mama

These are very Biblical and pointed questions… for me some of the thoughts caused me to have to meditate on them for a while. I hope that although this is not a blog post centered around a specific verse or study like I usually do, you will take these questions into consideration.

I know I fall short… I am not God and cannot be Him or like Him all the time. I can only live within the  moment and honestly pray that I will make the right choice to be obedient. I am not always the type of person that demonstrates love and grace like I should or even as thankful as I even wish my own children to be. But I can make a conscious decision to ask God to show me when He wants me to be more compassionate when I serve my family and other people in this world.

Will we get it right every time? No. Will be blow it sometimes? Yes. Ask for forgiveness and move on… compassion is always centered around having a heart that yearns for people and is usually followed by a demonstration of mercy. If you will be aware and in tune with God, He will show you needs and give you the chance to be able to put your Biblical knowledge into practice.

I hope you enjoy this post. My hope is that I can do more Q&A posts in the future! If you have any questions that you would like answered please contact me and share them with me in an e-mail.

Having Compassion in Ministry While Enduring Hardness

Compassion In Ministry

Do you have compassion in ministry while you endure hardness? Over time as problems occur while we are enduring hardness in life and ministry, our hearts and our manner can become hard. We can easily lose compassion when we get accustomed to hardness and cause a distance between ourselves and those we are called to serve. This does not happen to everyone, but I believe it is a temptation to each person in ministry.

Read this verse again. We read it in our first article as we learned about Enduring Hardness in Ministry.

2 Timothy 2:3, “Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.”

All people react to situations differently, some will soften through the battles of life and love more deeply, and others will harden against the roller coaster of emotional and physical strain and distance themselves from the sheep… but how do you endure hardness like a good soldier and still have compassion for God’s people and for lost souls? How do we have a way about us that is contagious?

Compassion Defined Biblically

There are different words used both in the Old Testament and the New Testament that define compassion according to the Strong’s Concordance, but they all have to do with having pity, showing mercy, yearning and feeling sympathy for someone.

Compassion has to do with having pity, showing mercy, and yearning and feeling sympathy for someone.

When Moses was found in the basket in the river, Pharoah’s daughter had compassion on him, and he was fetched out of the water to live as her son for many years. (Exodus 2)
Jesus Christ had compassion upon the people who followed Him, and when He noticed that they looked lost, as sheep having no shepherd, His bowls yearned for them. (Matthew 9:36) Two blind men in the way, begged for Jesus to heal them, and the Bible says in Matthew 20:34, “So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him.”

We are all going to go through personal difficulties and struggles with people and situations within our church. In order to obey God’s call on our life to endure like a good solider, we must stay compassionate toward people. We cannot take our frustrations out on our family or God’s sheep and please the Lord. We cannot escape to technology and neglect our Bible or relationships and please the Lord. Sometimes the grit of enduring is going to take some huge humbling of ourselves and some setting aside of our wants and disappointments so we can minister effectively with compassion.

How Do You Have Compassion?

Have the determination to make a difference.

We must be the type of people who Jude describes in verse 22, “And some have compassion, making a difference.” Not everyone has bowels that yearn for the souls of other people or he would not have said “And some have compassion.”  We do need to rise above the mundane and difficult and know that our calling is for eternal purposes even within the trenches of spiritual battle. Ask yourself whether you truly want to be a person that makes a difference. If you do, then compassion must be incorporated into your heart and life… but it must come from God. If you truly want it, then ask God for it, and then ask God what He wants you to do to show it.

Have a heart and eyes likes Christ.

When Jesus looked upon the multitude and had compassion on them, he saw them in their spiritual condition. He saw them as lost sheep having no shepherd. They were innocent in many cases toward the danger that was lurking in their lives and hearts. If we have a close relationship with God and are familiar with the Bible, we can begin to recognize the snares that hold them and the only hope they have in this life is Jesus Christ.

It reminds me of a song whose lyrics say,

“Let me see this world, dear Lord,
As though I were looking through Your eyes.
A world of men who don’t want You Lord,
But a world for which You died.
Let me kneel with You in the garden,
Blur my eyes with tears of agony;
For if once I could see this world the way You see,
I just know I’d serve You more faithfully.”

~Mike Otto

Remain in contact with people’s needs.

Distancing ourselves from people and their problems, even while we are trying to sort through our own, kills compassion. It can cause us to rise above them in pride or disregard them in a lack of care or immersion of selfishness.

Ways to Remain in Contact With People’s Needs

  • Opening our homes with heavenly hospitality.
  • Visiting people who are hurting or struggling.
  • Sending meaningful messages to people through text, e-mail, or through cards and letters.
  • Saying more than “hello,” but lingering to find out how people really are.
  • Praying with and for them during their battles.
  • Following up and finding out how things are going at a later date.
  • Listening without interruption.
  • Meeting an immediate need they may have physically, emotionally, or spiritually. This includes taking meals to someone, helping them with groceries, writing out verses for them, sitting with them when they do not need to be alone.
  • At times it may mean that you need to witness to them and tell them about salvation before meeting any other needs.

We do not have to be doormats or enablers when people are going through problems. You will know when the Holy Spirit prompts your heart to make a difference. This does not mean you neglect your own personal problems that may need addressed, it means you can do both. You need people as much as they need you. I find that many times when I reach out to someone else, that it alleviates my self-pity. When I look for verses to encourage someone, that it also teaches and encourages me. There’s something about seeking first the kingdom of God and finding that your needs truly are met in every part of life.

So as you go on through some hardness, I exhort you to continue to have compassion and find ways to meet the needs of other people as you look through the eyes and heart of God and minister to the sheep God has called you to.

The next article in this series will be a question and answer post later this week about having compassion in ministry with insights from other people in ministry.

How I Met My Father

How I Met My Father Graphic

On a cool morning, a few days after Father’s Day, at 7:05 am when we drove into the parking lot of IHOP and opened the silvery doors of our minivan. We tried to pull the kids out without the toys and miscellaneous vacation items falling out. I looked around the parking lot to see if they were waiting in their car. My 17-year-old brother was going to be there too. No people looking like the photos I had seen were waiting in a vehicle. So I straightened my clothes and fixed my hair to look my best as we walked across the parking lot with a child holding my hand.

This whole day seemed the opposite of how normal life is. You usually take your father to meet the young man you want to marry, not take your husband and children to meet your father. But my entire life has not been “normal.” I have come to terms that my life was God’s choice and He allowed me to live in the life He had designed for me, with my mother and without my father.

There was always a vacuum in my heart because I had never met him.

There were questions and longings to always feel loved and accepted. The desire to want to feel loved and not lonely. The thought that if I had passed my father on the street that I would not even know what he looked like and he would not know me.

I was given his name some time into junior high and high school and done searches on his name on the internet. There were probably 8 men in the U.S. with the same name with various addresses around the country. How would I know who to contact? I did not attempt to contact any of them. Fear walked with me and spoke with me, causing me to worry. I worried that if I did contact him that he would not want to know me. He knew my whereabouts when I was 2 years old but never pursued me. Maybe he had no wish to have a relationship. The questions in my mind could go on forever speculating motives and not understanding reasons why things happened the way they did.

I had begged my mother my senior year, months before my graduation to find him so that he would know that I was graduating. I wanted him to be proud that I had accomplished something good in my life. Needless to say, that did not happen. I went on to Bible college and followed God’s call in my life but watched as God, the Father to the fatherless, helped me when I needed Him the most. Alone to provide for my school bill, God helped keep it paid, then provided a job so that I could pay. He provided loving family, my aunt and adopted families were very helpful to me throughout my college years. God always bridged the gap and ministered to my heart.

As I walked into the IHOP entrance, I looked down at the small brown squared tiles as I followed my husband into the door. We walked into the waiting area and it was empty. Now to wonder whether we were there first, or what was going to happen. Then, looking around the room, he waved from a table way in the back of the restaurant. He and my brother both stood and walked to meet us as we met them. It was not nearly as hard as I had expected to walk up and give a sideways hug.

They were family… but then again, they were strangers.

Our children were ushered into a booth and we sat at tables connected. I sat across from my brother, diagonal from my father. So, that’s what he really looked like in person! A tall man with large broad shoulders. He had a Texas accent and a nervous laugh that surfaced now and then. His hair is a sandy brown color and naturally curly.

As my brother talked about himself and his mother and his sisters, I was overwhelmed. He loved them so much and complimented them so many times, that I wanted to meet them myself. They sounded like wonderful people.  I hoped we could maintain a relationship and become close.

I ate most of my breakfast but did not talk as much as my husband did. He talked and broke the ice for me, so that I did not feel so uncomfortable. How do you bridge the gap of years with someone whose title should equal a familial closeness? We could not bridge the gap of this relationship in a few hours of a day.

I also took multiple trips to the bathroom with my kids, it was embarrassing and funny all at the same time. Apparently he asked my husband if I was going to be alright when I was away. He assured him that I was fine, but it was going to take time. I think he understood.

The kids did not know that day  who my father was, but some months later we explained that day at IHOP. We made a decision not to tell the kids in case things did not work out so they did not end up being hurt. We explained the situation to them and they understood in their childlike innocence and were sad I had that type of childhood since they love their Papa so much. Finally we explained that it was good that he was in our lives now, and they wholeheartedly agreed.

The time passed and it was time for us to get on our journey to reach our vacation destination on time. Another sideways hug in the parking lot and then they walked away. I did not know in those moments if they would walk away forever or not. Would I still be accepted after they left? That question was hanging in my heart. As they drove away, they both waved good-bye and we smiled and waved and continued putting our kids in the car.

Meeting him and my brother was a start. He does keep in contact often. I know that we have been worlds apart and our lives very different. I only know of 1 or 2 people who have ever met their father or mother as an adult, who was not adopted, which makes it hard to find people to talk to about the situation. There is a comfort that even though circumstances did not bring us together until that day at IHOP, that God was with me. He preserved me for His purposes for my family and for our ministry together, so that I could do what He wanted me to do.

It’s been a year now, and I pray the bond will grow and that he will learn to understand me for who I am. I hope he will appreciate who the Lord has made me to be. If he never does, my purpose is to always please God my Heavenly Father.

If you in your life or ministry know of an adult child that is meeting their parent for the first time or are navigating through this type of relationship and need someone to talk to, please have them contact me on my Contact page. I would love to help or listen if I can.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy, How to Help the Fatherless Child on Father’s Day.