Category: The Ministry

Burned By Deep Ministry Hurts

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As we drove last summer toward a hidden lake among the mountains of Northern Colorado there was the beauty of the forest surrounding us. Tall dark green pine trees on both sides of the road clinging to the sides of the mountains. It was a magnificent sight to see until we came into vast expanses of burned pine trees standing up from the ground like toothpicks. The evidence of forest fires from previous years went on for miles. The ground was also littered with fallen trees that had slid down the mountains and hills, making the beauty of the landscape dissipate to a very disturbing sight.

Burned Trees Collage

Trapper’s Lake

A few minutes into our hike I noticed patches of trees that had been saved from the forest fires, but all around them stood the skeletons of the forest. The burned trees stood as monuments of a life that once was vibrant and full of its God-given purpose. New grass had begun to grow around the burned remains of trees, some vines and flowers had grown around them, but the remains looked unbecoming in the landscape of the hidden lake.

I took pictures because in my heart I knew I would write about being burned in the ministry. As much as I hated to see the evidence of the trials of that particular forest, it was beautiful to see the lush grass and wildflowers blooming with insects finding their way around to pollinate the other flowers. Life was returning but the scars stood as evidence of the hurt.

I realize as many of you read this that I am not a seasoned veteran of the ministry and probably  burns and hurts will come to our lives that I do not even wish to think of or imagine. I had a deep ministry hurt occur as I served as a secretary in our church when I was single. It took me many years to forgive the particular person involved, and I had to deal with the roots of bitterness I had in my heart toward them over and over. It does still hurt to think about, but the thoughts do not control me anymore, because the Lord continued to teach me about forgiveness.

Ministry hurts shake you to the core and sometimes leave you lifeless like a burned pine tree. It messes with your mind, it creates doubt in your heart toward people, and it may even leave you with questions about whether God really cares. While I have recovered and new blooms have also come into my life and our current ministry, I still remember what it was like.  I hope this article will give you some good helps on what you can do to help yourself or someone else that has been burned by the ministry.

1. Acknowledge the hurt and talk to God about it.

Each life situation goes across God’s sacred desk before He approves it or allows it. He knows about the hurt you are thinking of now. The people and situations that have caused it and the disappointment and betrayal you may be feeling. Be honest when you speak to God about them, you don’t have to question Him or be angry with Him. In humble acknowledgement you can go to Him as a child goes to His father and tells him the problems, doubts, and fears he has.

The gospel song says it all when it says, “When you don’t feel like praying pray.” You may not feel like it, you may not want to, but you should do it anyway.

2. When your thoughts go a mile a minute in every direction from the temptation to exact vengeance upon someone to utter despair, think of God.

This verse in particular spoke to my heart during one of my hardest trials.

In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul. Psalm 94:19

While others may be against us and the reality of the hurt may set in, we must ALWAYS find comfort in the Lord. All other worldly comforts, gossip, backbiting, drinking alcohol, abusing pain medications, forsaking our immediate family members are not the cure. Our comfort must come from God alone.

3. Allow yourself time to heal from the burns.

The grass in the forest did not begin to grow again in the forest until time had passed after the forest fire. Sometimes after significant ministry problems we expect (and other people expect) that we should bounce back to our original self and be ready to fight the good fight of faith with vigor and resilience. This is not realistic for someone who has been wounded deeply.

Think of Elijah the prophet, this story is very different in many ways from the purpose of this post, but I think the love in which God ministered to him is an example of how He cares for us when are hurt by the ministry.

I Kings 19: 5-8 And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.

God ministered to Elijah through the angel. I believe God sends special gifts of blessings in our hurts to help us recuperate and gain our strength again. But it takes some time. We may not be able to take a break from ministry during these times but we should be resting on days where we can and allowing God to minister to our hearts.

4. Take care of your daily personal needs. 

One of the hardest things about deep hurts is that our body can manifest the pain in many ways from anxiety to depression to an unsettled sadness or burning in your chest. Your teeth may itch or you may suddenly burst into tears. Take care of your health, mind, and spirit during these times so that the physical manifestations of your stress will subside.

Eat healthy foods regularly, take naps and get to bed on time, get up and bathe and put on clean clothes. When we are in the initial response from burns and hurts in our lives we sometimes go into shock and even the simplest tasks go undone. When you will get yourself up and ready for the day and carry on with normal activities, it will help you heal faster.

5. Take Care of Your Spiritual Needs

I mentioned earlier that taking care of your thoughts and mind is comforting yourself with God’s blessings.

The spiritual man inside of us when burned needs special attention. We still need to read our Bible, seek out God’s answers, and go to the Balm of Gilead to allow Him to heal our hearts. When He speaks we should respond correctly. The book of Psalms can be especially helpful to read during hard times.

Putting off necessary steps of healing, such as making things right with the person that caused the pain, can be difficult. Disobeying God’s promptings will prolong the hurt. Every situation for every person is different, we must be obedient to what He tells us to do. It may be committing to pray for the people involved, doing something nice for them (even if they don’t deserve it), or making a decision to not load our spouse down with talking about the situation all the time. You will know when God speaks to your heart.

Conclusion

I will never tell you that the burns of ministry are easy, that you should be this or do that by a specific time period. There should be a time of healing and recovery in your life, these times and situations may redefine your life but should not redefine your standing with the Lord. There is a future and a plan He has for us. After we are healed our job is to help others when they are going through their own hurts.

The next article on this topic will be Healing From Deep Ministry Hurts.

Hurting From a Distance

A gush of pain pours out from my heart every moment I think of the hurt.

The remorse I feel for the very situation is something I regret. To feel so depleted from inner energy and speechless from an inability to know how to comfort the pain of the one I love that is hurting.

This pain is not of mine own doing. Another has hurt not just someone that I love, but the whole family. Their hearts are broken more deeply than my own. Their tears have fallen and they now have questions about the future. What will they do now? Where will they go? How will they go on living with the ache in their hearts and stomachs from their great loss? Will they ever love again?

This is the heartache of our dear friends as they have offered a resignation to their church. They loved and served with many sacrifices and difficulties. They never pretended to be perfect people, but their hearts were open to helping, loving, and giving but often they were rejected. The toil at times was unbearable, like the tasks many of us face.

The hurt I hold in my heart feels so useless. It is the same hurt I have felt while carrying a healthy child in my womb and hearing of another woman having a miscarriage. My heart has cried for her and asked many questions of why and borne a burden of guilt for having been able to carry all of our children to term. Our ministry, although we have no guarantees, is blessed at this time. We face struggles, but they seem so minor in direct comparison of our friends’ great loss.

They are not the only to lose, their church loses in a multiplicity of ways…but that is its own separate discussion.

I do not know, more than just mere words and prayer how to comfort those I love from a distance. I want to rescue and help them. See their faces, hug their necks, place a hand upon their shoulders and reassure them of God’s promises. I don’t want to hear their voice of hurt on the phone and wonder how much of a front they are putting on to make me feel better.

These were friends that appeared in our lives as we were struggling in our marriage with two little boys, trying to get my husband through Bible college so we could follow God’s will. We were probably a sad excuse of anything back then. Their friendship brought us a sense of hope and family when we had been so far from our own. We were together for Thanksgiving, Easter, and many other celebrations of family events with a dash of everything else in between.

God gave them a beautiful home, about 5 miles away from our apartment. They would pick up the boys and I on their way to church on Wednesday nights, load up the carseats, we would hop in and buckle up and be off to the mid-week service. It was a good time of fellowship and burden sharing. I fell in love with their girls and her girls loved our boys. She and I were true friends.

Then we were called to our current ministry, they helped us load our moving truck and stay the night in their home before we set out on the new adventure of ministry. It was hard to say good-bye to them. It was not long afterward God impressed them to sell that beautiful home, and as my friend liked to say it, she believed they lived there because God wanted them near us. It boggles my mind in some ways that God would care so much for us both to have provided such a blessing of having nearby friends. Would we have made it through without them?

Some time later our friends finished their time at Bible college themselves, they are a bit older than us, but finished in record time. They went straight to the ministry where they are now… we have been able to see them at church camps, as well as in my husband’s home church during a holiday, while they were also there visiting their family. We were also able to visit them on one occasion and see the work God had given them firsthand.

I hurt here because they hurt there. It’s like watching a child falling in slow motion and being too far away to be able to rescue the child and getting there in time to pick them up off the ground. They are not my children, they are God’s and I know He loves them more than I do and will care for them better than I can. But even knowing that, I feel it is hardest at times to hurt with someone from a distance. My inability to fix or help the hurting person makes me feel like my hands are tied and my love is somehow meaningless.

So, when you are hurting in ministry and you have spilled your heart out to a fellow ministry friend that is across the miles, and you feel lonely…
know they might be grieving and hurting with you from a distance.

They may wish to bind your wounds, set you upon their beast, and take you to the inn like the Good Samaritan did.

They may be praying earnestly for your broken heart and wishing they could bear some of the pain with you.

They may be feeling grossly inadequate since words are their only means of comforting you.

If they had the money they might drive or fly just to see you and hug you and listen to your heart.

They may have to be brave enough to know that just wishing isn’t enough and have the faith to put you in God’s hands where you are already placed, and leave you there because He loves you more than they do.

They may have questions too about the reasons why.

Love those friends that hurt with you. You may have few of them but they must be loyal and kind people to which God has given you to aid you on your journey of following His will.

If you hurt like I do from a distance to those you love, let them know! Declare your love and use God’s Word to encourage them. And if necessary, make a sacrifice, to assure them that you care. It just may be what gives them enough strength to make it to the next day.

My Modesty Maintenance Meditation

I began Bible College in the fall of 2001 and even though I had read the student handbook I was pretty green in Bible College modesty. I did get written up a few times and even stored my jeans up in a large plastic tub at the top of my closet hiding them above my rod of dresses and skirts.

God has since worked in my heart about Biblical modesty and I do wear skirts and dresses on a daily basis now. My reason for not going back to my pants may or may not be discussed in a future post…but not now, not today. I know this can be a hot topic and some people will bash and hate but in all honesty, this topic has weighed on my mind and I would like to disclose some of my meditations.

I am not condescending or condemning of people who wear pants, and do not wish for any comments or condemnation because of my choice to wear skirts and dresses. I have family and friends that wear pants and it does not bother me in the least, just like any other life decisions, that is between them and God and I love them so that is where it lies in my heart. I am however concerned when women, whether wearing pants, dresses, or skirts, are not aware of their modesty. Even more so I am concerned when women in the ministry do not maintain modesty, that is why I watch this very closely for myself.

God is still working on my heart about modesty, like He did many years ago. Although I still have a small frame I have changed since having 4 children and I have had to continually adjust my wardrobe to be appropriate. I have been pregnant and gained 50-80 pounds in pregnancies and I have nursed a baby and fallen to 98 pounds and had to stop nursing. These fluctuations have helped me learn how to adjust my modesty.

I have taken my concerns and made practical application for myself. Every type of woman has their own obstacles to maintain modesty, so my applications may not do you any good. I am not bull-nosing others into doing the same things I do, or expecting others to live up to my standard.

These are my modesty maintenance meditations…

  • Cover the cracks. I watch for cracks of cleavage, the crack of my backside, and the “crack” between my legs above my knees. These are areas I do not want to flash or show.
  • Longer skirts are sometimes best. When I walk from our van to the church building holding the baby and the hand of our 3-year-old, there is no extra hand to push my skirt down if the wind decides to blow it up. I may have to choose not to wear shorter skirts temporarily until the girls are older and I have both hands available for the skirt alert. Also, considering the times I need to work at the church climbing on ladders and bringing things down from our storage area or hanging things on walls, I like to wear longer skirts so that I do not embarrass any men that may help me.
  • Squatting at the knees instead of bending in half to pick things up off of the floor, tie my son’s shoe, or put a baby in a car seat. I use this technique so that my backside is not the main attraction when I bend over.
  • I’m taking notes. If my husband is continually frustrated about how other women at church dress immodestly, then I just dress the opposite! If he complains about not being able to speak to someone without feeling uncomfortable, then I purpose in my heart not to let another man feel uncomfortable around me by the way I dress. I create a safety zone to communicate with brothers and sisters in Christ by dressing appropriately at all times.
  • Not allowing myself to be a hypocrite. When I have the opportunity to speak to young ladies and women about modesty, I want them to be able to learn and then see it displayed. I never want a young lady to say, “she taught me to dress like this, but she dresses way different,” or think “the standard is ______, but the clothes she gave me were lower than the standard.” Sometimes when I give things away to other ladies, I need to clarify that some of the outfits need an under shirt underneath them or a slip because they are a little see through. This helps me be genuine about modesty.
  • Avoid lace and see-through clothing. What women wear on lingerie is usually for a reason… those attributes of every day clothing tend to attract eyes where they should not go, so I try to layer an extra slip or two under see-through skirts and dresses and steer away from some types of sheer tops and lace under shirts. What may not matter to some, may give someone else difficulty.
  • I do the “bend over” check. If I bend over while looking in the mirror and see my cracks then I make adjustments to my outfit. Safety pins can work wonders!
  • The attitude check. The right clothes are one thing but how I act is another. Acting sensual or bending over on purpose to encourage guys to look is also a matter of modesty that involves the heart. The words I say and the way I conduct myself can make even the most modest outfit immodest. I watch my words and my actions as well as my outfit. I always want to do my husband good, and not evil.

This is something that is continually being worked on in my life. As I receive new outfits then the adjustments have to be made all over again. It is never something we come to the place where we arrive… unless you’re wearing turtle necks and floor length dresses all the time. Yikes! I am not always perfect and sometimes me and my attire go ’round and ’round. But truly down in my heart  I hope to never be a stumbling block to those around me by my dress.

Modesty maintenance is always a must!

I have written 3 other articles on the topic of Biblical modesty. I invite you to read them and learn from Titus chapter 2 about the topic of modesty. In doing this study, it has helped me learn so much of why I want to maintain my modesty.

The Biblical Case for Modesty: Being Discreet and Chaste

The Biblical Case for Modesty: God’s True Purpose for Modesty

The Biblical Case for Modesty: It’s Appearance to All

I hope you have read this with an understanding heart of who I am, not forcing any type of standards on others. I believe that most women who have a heart for understanding modesty will understand my point of view and applications.

May we all dress to please the King and help others learn the Bible principles of modesty!