Category: About Me

My Modesty Maintenance Meditation

I began Bible College in the fall of 2001 and even though I had read the student handbook I was pretty green in Bible College modesty. I did get written up a few times and even stored my jeans up in a large plastic tub at the top of my closet hiding them above my rod of dresses and skirts.

God has since worked in my heart about Biblical modesty and I do wear skirts and dresses on a daily basis now. My reason for not going back to my pants may or may not be discussed in a future post…but not now, not today. I know this can be a hot topic and some people will bash and hate but in all honesty, this topic has weighed on my mind and I would like to disclose some of my meditations.

I am not condescending or condemning of people who wear pants, and do not wish for any comments or condemnation because of my choice to wear skirts and dresses. I have family and friends that wear pants and it does not bother me in the least, just like any other life decisions, that is between them and God and I love them so that is where it lies in my heart. I am however concerned when women, whether wearing pants, dresses, or skirts, are not aware of their modesty. Even more so I am concerned when women in the ministry do not maintain modesty, that is why I watch this very closely for myself.

God is still working on my heart about modesty, like He did many years ago. Although I still have a small frame I have changed since having 4 children and I have had to continually adjust my wardrobe to be appropriate. I have been pregnant and gained 50-80 pounds in pregnancies and I have nursed a baby and fallen to 98 pounds and had to stop nursing. These fluctuations have helped me learn how to adjust my modesty.

I have taken my concerns and made practical application for myself. Every type of woman has their own obstacles to maintain modesty, so my applications may not do you any good. I am not bull-nosing others into doing the same things I do, or expecting others to live up to my standard.

These are my modesty maintenance meditations…

  • Cover the cracks. I watch for cracks of cleavage, the crack of my backside, and the “crack” between my legs above my knees. These are areas I do not want to flash or show.
  • Longer skirts are sometimes best. When I walk from our van to the church building holding the baby and the hand of our 3-year-old, there is no extra hand to push my skirt down if the wind decides to blow it up. I may have to choose not to wear shorter skirts temporarily until the girls are older and I have both hands available for the skirt alert. Also, considering the times I need to work at the church climbing on ladders and bringing things down from our storage area or hanging things on walls, I like to wear longer skirts so that I do not embarrass any men that may help me.
  • Squatting at the knees instead of bending in half to pick things up off of the floor, tie my son’s shoe, or put a baby in a car seat. I use this technique so that my backside is not the main attraction when I bend over.
  • I’m taking notes. If my husband is continually frustrated about how other women at church dress immodestly, then I just dress the opposite! If he complains about not being able to speak to someone without feeling uncomfortable, then I purpose in my heart not to let another man feel uncomfortable around me by the way I dress. I create a safety zone to communicate with brothers and sisters in Christ by dressing appropriately at all times.
  • Not allowing myself to be a hypocrite. When I have the opportunity to speak to young ladies and women about modesty, I want them to be able to learn and then see it displayed. I never want a young lady to say, “she taught me to dress like this, but she dresses way different,” or think “the standard is ______, but the clothes she gave me were lower than the standard.” Sometimes when I give things away to other ladies, I need to clarify that some of the outfits need an under shirt underneath them or a slip because they are a little see through. This helps me be genuine about modesty.
  • Avoid lace and see-through clothing. What women wear on lingerie is usually for a reason… those attributes of every day clothing tend to attract eyes where they should not go, so I try to layer an extra slip or two under see-through skirts and dresses and steer away from some types of sheer tops and lace under shirts. What may not matter to some, may give someone else difficulty.
  • I do the “bend over” check. If I bend over while looking in the mirror and see my cracks then I make adjustments to my outfit. Safety pins can work wonders!
  • The attitude check. The right clothes are one thing but how I act is another. Acting sensual or bending over on purpose to encourage guys to look is also a matter of modesty that involves the heart. The words I say and the way I conduct myself can make even the most modest outfit immodest. I watch my words and my actions as well as my outfit. I always want to do my husband good, and not evil.

This is something that is continually being worked on in my life. As I receive new outfits then the adjustments have to be made all over again. It is never something we come to the place where we arrive… unless you’re wearing turtle necks and floor length dresses all the time. Yikes! I am not always perfect and sometimes me and my attire go ’round and ’round. But truly down in my heart  I hope to never be a stumbling block to those around me by my dress.

Modesty maintenance is always a must!

I have written 3 other articles on the topic of Biblical modesty. I invite you to read them and learn from Titus chapter 2 about the topic of modesty. In doing this study, it has helped me learn so much of why I want to maintain my modesty.

The Biblical Case for Modesty: Being Discreet and Chaste

The Biblical Case for Modesty: God’s True Purpose for Modesty

The Biblical Case for Modesty: It’s Appearance to All

I hope you have read this with an understanding heart of who I am, not forcing any type of standards on others. I believe that most women who have a heart for understanding modesty will understand my point of view and applications.

May we all dress to please the King and help others learn the Bible principles of modesty!

 

Confession #1 – The House Guest Shuffle

Some days as I breathe a heaviness overcomes me as it sits in my chest and motivates me to growl at the children to pick up the floor and I scrub sinks to sparkle and pick up even miniscule specs of thread and crumbs in the corners of the rooms because someone is coming over to see my house. My house represents who I am, it is my workplace. When someone says “I’ll be right over,” the panic sets in and the dreaded heaviness comes out of its hiding place and drives me again to do the “House Guest Shuffle.” It is the root of my insanity, the fear of failure, the whisper inside my head that I will be rejected if my home is not perfect… perfectionism.

Yes, it’s like a disease, but more accurately a sin that I am prone to committing inside and outside of myself. It is the worst of sins because I choose to heighten the stress level of our family by demands and barking of orders to this child and that. If someone were to see my imperfection then I would be ruined, my testimony, the thoughts they walk out of my door thinking about the piles of junk I have sitting on a table in the living room, on my kitchen island, and on top of my dresser (if they’re lucky to even get that far into the house). It is the inhospitable way that I keep cleaning when people have finally arrived and come to visit. I pick things up and wipe off the counter, “one more mess that might cause me to be rejected, gone, right in front of their face.” It is the thought that one day my children may hate having visitors come over because of my choices.

Frankly, perfectionism is ridiculous! It is a sub-standard too-high standard that I keep. It means that I am, well, sigh, NOT perfect! There, I said it… ugh! It is like the mother-in-law that has moved in and makes you miserable. It has at times made my husband a slave and robbed my children of afternoons of play time because they were also slaves to my constant cleaning, arranging, dusting, and vacuuming.

My perfectionism and a fear of rejection go hand in hand and I wish that I could say that this is a new development in my life but that would be a lie. It is something that has lived with me for a long time. And in reality, perfectionism’s other hand is holding to my pride. I hate to be less. I hate to fail. I hate to be sick and unhealthy. It all means that I am not doing something right…but that is a lie. It means that I am human and subject to God and His plan for my home being a place for visitors.

While in my head I know that perfectionism is wrong, I go right back to it. The habit of living that way for so long, some would call their “besetting sin,” relives itself over and over. I know the root of it to some degree living with a single mother in a little trailer that needed a lot of help. I would tell my friends, “Oh, don’t come to the door, I’ll be waiting for you.” It was much safer to my reputation if people saw the cool me come out to their car (because the cool me did not have a car or a license until college, ha ha) instead of coming up to the porch and seeing inside. I was always waiting and ready for their car to pull up in the driveway. Now that we rent a nice home, it is hard for me to not feel those same feelings when people want to come over. I did not realize that my thoughts back then of assuming people would only like me if I did certain things, wore certain clothes, and lived in a certain type of house were breeding this wrong thinking of perfectionism.

It is easy to say in your head that people understand about the mess and they know you have children, but do they really? My automatic thinking is “yeah right,” and I continue on in my flurry of cleanliness. Is our family clean all the time? Now, that’s a yeah right! We live comfortably and messy through our week but as soon as my ears catch wind of a visitor’s arrival then the scamper begins again. “Hurry kids, hide it all in the closet or underneath the cabinet!” Oh, you’ve done it too, if you’re honest!

There is a fine line between holding yourself up to a too-high standard and becoming enslaved to the lie of perfectionism. Perfectionism tends to be self-centered. It is a cloak for wanting to preserve yourself from being embarrassed or from losing face to those you wish to impress (everyone!). A good question I have to ask myself is “Why are you so stressed out about this?” When my answer is because I don’t want people to think ______________ about ME (key word), then that is a dead ringer for the root of the problem. Pride.

The cure for perfectionism for me has been confession. I confess it to God as sin and pride because I have no other way of dealing with it without going back to the kitchen and wiping off the table. God is the only perfect being, I can never live up to an expectation of myself that God does not even expect of me. I know that God is holy and I cannot live up to His standard because of my sinfulness. It is a perfect example of why that I need Christ’s payment for my sins. He was the only sinless person and the only acceptable sacrifice, because of His perfection. That is why my personal salvation is so valuable.

Last year I read a book and one chapter told the story of a lady that always was cleaning her house, like me, when people were coming over. She finally came to the conclusion that God had a purpose for each person that came for a visit . She also noted that her messes were used as a way to give the nervous visitor a task to do and she would find them picking up her floor, wiping her cabinet, or doing her dishes without even saying a word to them about it. In the few times I have tried it, it works! Typically people are very helpful and will love you no matter what your house looks like.

I have to take deep breaths and pray when people come over for a party or get-together. I have a real hard time letting go and enjoying their company and not being the slave to my perfectionism. Okay so this perfectionist can be a bit of a CONTROL FREAK… that is probably something else I need to confess… wink, wink. The art of making people feel warm and safe and welcome in your home takes work.

So I guess I have to say it again, I am not perfect… ugh! I admitted it publicly twice in this blog! When it all boils down to the nitty-gritty, it’s a hindrance to my spotless home because it takes the beauty of wholesome family love away when I enslave everyone to my sub-standard too-high standard. So this is where flexibility and God’s timing and control have to come in. It has to be my replacement of the sin of perfectionism so that we will enjoy having people over and other people will enjoy coming over. God has to be the author of my day and I have to become hospitable and flexible no matter what the floor and oven look like and how high my stacks of paper are. If people love me then I hope they will overlook my mess and help me with it or only whisper about it when they get into their car.

So there it is y’all, confession #1 of The Ministry Mama!

Goals for this Blog

This is a great day! Not only is it my first time to get on and blog it’s my little sister’s birthday. She is much younger than I am, 6 years to be exact, and a little Mama herself. God answered prayers while she was in my mother’s womb with what they expected to be spina-bifida, which typically results in a handicap of not being able to use your legs. She was born with a nerve on the end of her tailbone that was not attached and skin grown over it that was removed the same week she was born. She is a walking miracle with only a scar to prove God’s handiwork in healing and protecting her!

There are several goals that I have with this website. Since I am The Ministry Mama then my goals are to deal with:
1. Being in the Ministry with my husband.
2. Being a Mama of children who are also in the ministry beside us.
3. Teaching you the lessons God is teaching me in being a wife, mother, and in the ministry.

I hope you will grow alongside me and gain some wisdom in dealing with life. My heart is toward other women in the ministry because the balance of home and ministry often get off kilter and we struggle to know how to relate to people while trying to maintain our relationship with God.

In just getting started my goal is to update once a week so that my blog does not take away from my duties in taking care of our home.

My mind is full of ideas on how to help you organize your church kitchen, your church flowers, how to host a Senior luncheon, etiquette children should show to church members, capturing your child’s heart, loving your man even though he has faults, and allowing God to work through the rough patches.

Thank you for joining the ride! So let’s yeehaw down this ministry life together ladies!