Tag: ministry

Where Does the Music Director’s Wife Fit In?

Why is it when  you meet people in the ministry or others for that matter, and they ask you where you work (insert name of church here) and then want to know what your husband does (insert job title here), and you answer, “I’m the music director’s wife.” People will either A.) accept you or B.) typically look confused because they wonder what it is that you do because you don’t fit into their preconceived notions of what ministry is all about.

Music. Director’s. Wife.

Who knew that those three words could cause confusion among people who are waiting to hear the two most common women’s positions in ministry, “pastor’s wife,” and “youth pastor’s wife.” We like to shove people in our minds into these specific holes of ministry. We like for  people in our minds to fit into common positions like a plug easily goes into an outlet.

It is not necessarily an entirely negative thing not to know what one does when a title like “music director’s wife” is given. But my thinking is, maybe we emphasize titles a little too much. There are moments when I give my answer of “who” I am  in relation to my husband’s job and see the interest others have in me (as a person) dissipate when I did not match up to what they hoped I was.

It is so bad there have been times it makes me doubt this place in the ministry where God called our family. I have been the round peg being shoved into square holes. Why when others seem to point it out by asking the dreaded question does it make me feel like a failure in some area because God has not directed our family into the same ministry as others?

Music Director's Wife Fit

A few months ago, I believed God opened a door to allow me to become involved in a new prayer group of pastor’s wives. I joined the online group with permission and introduced myself as a “music director’s wife” and within a day was written and told that other pastor’s wives had question why I was allowed to be in the group if I really was not a pastor’s wife and eventually because of things I said was no longer able to be a part of the group. My heart was grieved to say the least because there was no room for my husband’s title to fit in their group.

The music director’s wife became the outsider…

I wish I could have explained that I see the background of our church’s hurts too and pray about those hurts as God places them on my heart. The people, building, and projects are our purpose for following God’s call to where we serve. We spend a lot of time as a family doing things around the church, like pastor’s wives and youth pastor’s wives do across the world. We love raising our kids in ministry and have the same concerns for our children’s spiritual welfare as women who have those titles do. We battle the same enemy, we serve the same Saviour, and we are all equal at the foot of the cross. My value is greater than a measly title.

What does the music director’s wife do?

  1. She is the music director’s wife and caretaker of his heart.
  2. She is the mother of the music director’s children.
  3. She is the keeper of the music director’s home.
  4. She is the music director’s helpmeet both at home and in ministry.
  5. She plugs in perfectly to the ministry outlets God has created for her to do within the church.
  6. She bears the burdens of the music director’s heart and shares time in discussion and prayer about those matters.
  7. She ministers to the people who come into their lives. The choir, his Sunday School class, and more.
  8. She serves where God opens doors for her to do so.
  9. She is ultimately the daughter of the Heavenly Father.

1 Corinthians 12 teaches how the members of each church all have a specific purpose and work to do within that church. The illustration is used of a body and all of its parts being different, but necessary to be able to serve their purpose. My favorite verse in that passage pertaining to fitting people into our own ideas for what they should be and do is this one, “But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.” 1 Corinthians 12:18.

So, where does the music director’s wife fit according to this verse?

In the place where God chose to set me in the body of Christ, as it pleased Him.

Give me one reference to a ministry wife’s title and job in the Bible. There are not any, apart from the regular instructions that were given to married women. This gives me a relief to know that I am able to fulfill the work and purpose God gave me to do personally.

The abilities and talents God gave me were not for youth work and He has not seen fit to place me as a pastor’s wife either. And believe me I’m okay with that! My place has been to fill in gaps and serve in various flexible capacities in our church. Every year and as we have had more children, there have been some adjustments that have needed to be made to go hand-in-hand with the needs of our family and my service to the Lord. The hole I fit into changes all the time.

My Conclusion

Maybe, for the benefit of others, we need to stop giving other Christians, primarily ministry ladies, value based on what their husband does, who they know in the ministry, and the size of their church. Instead, focus on who they are in Christ. Let’s learn from who God created them to be and allow them to not feel intimidated by what they do in their family and church when you ask them “What does your husband do in ministry?”

I’m me. Love me for who I am and for the place God was pleased to set me within the body of Christ.
Smiles,

The Music Director’s Wife

My Son’s Answered Prayers

Uno, our oldest son, is about to turn 9 in November and I was able to witness God answer ones of his prayers in a most special way. These are the stories about ministry and the Christian life that I love to hear, but when they happen to those you love it seems to hold a particularly special place in your heart.

We have lived in our neighborhood for five years now and it has been very hard for us to get to know the neighbors. Beyond first introductions and conversations here and there we really only see them one time a year they get together out in the street and pop fireworks on the 4th of July. We all bring out lawn chairs and let the kids play with sparklers and watch the adult men run like wild Indians to get away from the fireworks before they go off.  Even our next door neighbors with sometimes 7 children (with their foster kids) do not even go into the backyard very much. The culture here is very different from the friendly Midwest where we lived before, and it has been hard for us to connect and overcome the barriers that everyone seems to have.

Uno ~ Late Summer 2013

Last October on an especially warm day, a boy around my son’s age, whom we will call “Blake” rode his bike down by our house while our kids were riding in the cul-de-sac. He quickly befriended Uno and they were off to racing around. He was friendly to all of us and very kind even to our younger girls. Uno has listened for years about how we need to invite friends to church, so within the first few minutes he ran inside of his own accord and picked up an invitation to our Fall Festival. When Blake returned from a trek home, he tried to give him the invitation but he said, “Oh, that’s okay, I can’t take that because we don’t go to church.” Our son did not seem phased but was secretly disappointed. I encouraged him that he had done his best and that is what that mattered to God.

For several weeks we would purposely sit outside even in the chilly weather hoping that Uno could see Blake again and spend time with him. He quickly became the primary prayer request when we prayed for lost people. Our entire goal for getting to know him and his friends is for their salvation. Despite our efforts our children have not ever had visitors outside of family members come to church before. This has always made our son feel disappointed when there are big incentives at church for children who bring visitors, so he has desired this for a long time.

We saw Blake several times off and on through the winter and spring and cheerfully wave to him as we drove by. His dad fixes up mini-motorized bicycles and we see their garage door open often. This summer we were able to spend a little more time with him and meet his little sister, “Briana” when we were prepping for our garage sales. I would leave our garage open and all the kids would play either in the garage or on the street. It was good for them to be over at our house for me to see how they behave. Blake and his friends are all very respectful and treat each other nicely (at least in front of me!) and that is something I appreciate.

The opportunity to invite Blake to church has been difficult but Uno has never given up on him. Then, this week the answer to prayer came…unexpectedly.

We had a Family Crusade this week and my son had been itching to go down the street to invite Blake and his friend Marcos. We had not taken him down prior to the beginning of the crusade, but Uno’s persistence paid off when my husband took the time to take him down the street with our guest speaker, Ed Dunlop. Bro. Ed normally does Kids’ Crusades around the country and has had experience building bus routes for churches also. He carries with him a pocket full of balloons so that he can twist them into fun things kids enjoy. His strategy is to give them away at the door so that it will give the family time to let down their guard and be open to receiving the information about the crusade as well as the gospel. I think in this case it worked!

After a while, I heard Uno and Dos come in the door and instantly they said “Blake is going to ride the bus!” I think my jaw dropped and I did a double-take because that is nothing short of a miracle. In my heart I had always hoped but with the negative responses I was doubtful, which was evidence of my own little faith.

That evening, we were pulling out of our driveway and I was able to witness when the bus arrived in front of Blake’s house. Blake came out and then out came his younger sister, Briana. His mom came out to greet the bus workers with a smile.  The workers talked to her for a few minutes and she gave the kids a hug and they stepped onto the church bus for the very first time in their lives and then into church for the first time.

In the middle of the church program Blake looked over at Uno and said, “This is really fun!” On their bus ride home, Blake was already planning to come the following night with hopes that he could bring enough visitors to win the 24 inch pizza given away every night for the person that brought the most visitors. He came the next night and brought his older sister, Brittany, and two other neighbor kids, Anna and James. On the last night all of those friends came back and Marcos too.

We were amazed at God’s answers to our son’s prayers and the eager desire Blake had to bring his friends with him to church. We were not expecting the number of results from God’s Holy Spirit working in their lives. Blake’s sister Brittany, and his friends Anna and James received Christ to be their Saviour!!

It took one year of prayers, invitations, some bright-colored balloons, Bible-centered messages about salvation by Bro. Ed, and friendship for these results. Uno is excited to know that in inviting one friend, three souls have been changed for eternity. These souls are the eternal rewards to which he will cherish, FOREVER. We are not done praying yet, we still have our prayers focused on Blake, Briana, and Marcos… and of course their families.

Please encourage your children not to give up on those who God has laid upon their hearts, because they really do not know when God will answer them. Every day they are one day closer to the answer! (And that goes for you too!)

My Son's Answered Prayers

      Uno at the Grand Canyon Sept 2014

 

Honoring Your Pastor: Honorary Gift Idea List

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This gift idea list is for when you want to do something really special for your pastor. 23 ideas are listed below to help make honoring your pastor a piece of cake! Some of these ideas will take some time and effort but I assure you that it will be well worth the effort you take, if you give generously.

For God loveth a cheerful giver! II Corinthians 9:7b

Show Your Pastor and His Wife You Love Them Every Year

I encourage you to honor them yearly! Know the date in which they came to serve in your church for the first Sunday and even if you do not make a big deal about it every year, it should be recognized and they should be given a token of the church’s appreciation. Their service to you and your church is not only a benefit, it is their calling and it is their work in obedience to the Lord.

Special Times of Recognition

There are extra special times to recognize your pastor and his service. It is not any different from a married couple, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30+ years of serving either in ministry itself or in the ministry of your church in particular. Even when your pastor was a scrawny youth pastor in the dark ages of ministry, it was still service that adds up through the years. Our pastor has served in our church over 30 years now but his total number of ministry years has been over 40. I know when my great-grandfather had served over 50 years in ministry someone arranged for him to receive an honorary doctorate. There may also be other times when you recognize his leadership over completing something like a large building project or recognize his faithfulness through a particularly difficult time in his life or the church’s life.

Honorary Gift Idea List

  • Plaque – don’t get a boring one, find a nice one! We bought an etched blue glass plaque for our pastor that stands on his shelf like the one seen here.
  • Office renovation – does he still have dated wallpaper in his office? Update! It does not have to be a surprise, let him be involved in making changes he likes.
  • New pulpit
  • A Banquet in honor of him and his wife – even if you can’t afford a nice venue, you can still do something great at your church facilities with a little creativity.
  • A church-wide photo taken outside your church and framed – hire someone or use a nice camera propped on top of a church van like we did to get a nice group photo.
  • An updated computer with Bible software – I have heard good things about Logos software if your pastor likes to use the computer for sermon preparation.
  • Memory photo books of the church history and church events. Use someone in your church to scan and organize old church photos into folders on the church computer, then download them onto a website that makes photo books and it will be so much easier to look at them. If you make a copy for your church, get a copy for the pastor and his family too. I recommend Shutterfly because they have great customer service.
  • Video testimonies shown in church services and saved on a DVD for them to watch at their leisure. Videos should be taken weeks in advance so that someone can compile your videos.
  • A special preaching revival in their honor – it might be neat to use their favorite preacher or bring in someone who is significant to them and their ministry.
  • A quilt with pieces provided or signed by the church members and sewn together by ladies in your church to complete the quilt. Okay, so maybe your pastor’s wife would like this more than your pastor would… 🙂
  • Car upgrade – Is your pastor driving a heap of junk? If your church can afford it, it may be a benefit to give him an upgraded vehicle or some money toward a new one.
  • Vacation time with accommodations and spending money provided – if you give them the trip, make sure they go and enjoy it!
  • Engraved pieces from a company like Things Remembered.
  • A new Bible with favorite verses highlighted by the members of the church.
  • A memory or thanks jar filled with slips of paper with memories written on them from members of the church or little messages of thanks.
  • A Staff Take-Over Night – A church in Arizona did this to their pastor, taking over the service, bringing out a recliner into the middle aisle, giving their pastor a “night off,” then their assistant pastor preached a message encouraging their pastor. Just make sure that this type of thing would be okay with your pastor, some personalities might not like it.
  • Bring in a special music group for a Sunday – be sure that the group is someone your pastor likes and the music conforms to your church standards of music. You could also have your choir or a singing group in your song sing a song like, Stand By God’s Man, written by Julia Montoro.
  • A gift card tree – these are always a blessing to help your pastor in a fun way.
  • A love offering – this love offering should be a sincere expression of love, not a cheap token, but may quite be a sacrifice of love from the members. Remember, that your pastor and his family has sacrificed a lot of time and effort on the church’s behalf.
  • New household appliances. Has it been years since he and his wife have been able to buy a new refrigerator, freezer, dishwasher, stove, or grill? It would be a pleasant surprise to them to get an upgrade.
  • Contact your local newspaper. They may be interested in running an article on your pastor in the religious section if he has served in the community for a long time. This would be a special way of honoring his dedication and faithfulness.
  • Finally, listen and learn to what his needs or desires are. If they’re in the budget, then give him the desires of his heart!

On the Ministry Mamas Pinterest Pastor Appreciation page there are over 70 pins of all types of ideas for gifts, cakes, and even gift basket to show appreciation toward your pastor.

*Please note that this article does not contain affiliate links. I love to help you find great things easily, that’s all!

Other articles in this series are:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHonoring Your Pastor: Personal Gifts of Investment

Honoring Pastor - Free GiftsHonoring Your Pastor: Free Gifts to Give