Tag: counseling

The Alphabet for Marriage

The fundamentals of maintaining a caring marriage are easily summed up in The Alphabet for Marriage. Read through each letter and it will help you think of some ways to improve your marriage. God’s name isn’t mentioned in this list but I guarantee you can see there are spiritual principles to back up this practical advice.

Ladies, don’t let the ministry (of house, children, and church work) get too busy that you neglect your husband. Your purpose of ministering is to do it together, as a married couple because marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. This list came from a special sermon I found (more on that at the end of the post) and hope it will bless your heart too.

The Alphabet for Marriage

Adaptability – Cultivate a liking for the other’s tastes.

Belief – Trust one another.

Children – Be of the same mind on the subject, whether boys or girls, or money. Agree on their training.

Devotion – Not only feel love but show it.

Entertainment – Keep each other amused and interested.

Finesse – Handle each other with love and tact.

Generosity – Don’t be stingy with love, money, or praise.

Health – Keep well as long as you can.

Interests – Enter into everything the other does. Play the same games, read the same books, like the same people.

Jokes – Learn to make ’em and take ’em.

Kindness – Never fail to share with each other tenderness and sympathy.

Love – Never let your supply of that run low.

Money – Is for both and should be for the mutual happiness and well-being of each other.

Need of each other. – Make yourself necessary to your husband or wife’s happiness.

Observation – See what each other needs and supply it. Notice when your husband or wife looks nice.

Politeness – Show as much courtesy of each other as you would to strangers.

Quiet – Don’t argue, keep a peaceful home.

Respect – Show deference for each other’s opinions and intelligence.

Sportsmanship – Take marriage on the chin, don’t complain of hardships you may have to endure.

Tenderness – Whatever you are to other people, be all heart to your husband or wife.

Understanding – Enter into thoughts or feelings of your mate so you will know when each other is low.

Virtue – No philandering around on either side.

Willingness – Both husband and wife must be willing to help each other pull weight in the boat.

X-tra Attention – especially when down-hearted or sick.

Yes Them – Be agreeable as you can as often as you can.

Zero – Your marriage will never be a zero if you follow these rules.

~Author Unknown*

This was found in my great-grandfather’s sermon notes. My husband inherited his books and many files when he passed away and a yellow legal sized paper appeared after recently going through our personal library. I just loved reading it and truly believed it was his own outline until I saw just under the letter “z” that it was copied. *If you know the author of The Alphabet for Marriage please let me know and I will gladly update it on this post.

Ideas: This would be a great help to use at a couples retreat, banquet, or even marriage counseling. This could also be used as a fun wedding shower devotional or as a thoughtful thing to read in a married Sunday School class.

 

A Roadblock to Your Own Comfort

“You’ll never understand unless you go through it.” I understand the heart where this phrase comes from but I wish it did not exist.

Lately, it seems like I run into people who are going through an extreme life-altering circumstances, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or even something like overwhelming debt. Their popular phrase while trying to filter through their grief and difficulty is “You’ll never understand unless you go through it.” I do not disagree, but then again I do.

One of the common threads in all of life’s difficulty is loss and sorrow.

The reason why I hate the response, “You’ll never understand,” is because the hurting person who usually says this fails to fully acknowledge the person trying to help and comfort them. They discount that person and their personal losses and pain. The pain they have experienced in their lifetime…. and survived. They require exact suffering  before they allow someone to help them. God created individuals who have individual experiences, therefore no two people will ever have the same experience in their lives, everything about us and  is different.

Roadblock to Your Own Comfort

 The Roadblock to Your Own Comfort

Many of us have been trained to deal with people in tough circumstances wisely. I have been taught you are never supposed to say to a hurting person, “I know exactly how you feel,” because there is no way that we can know how any one person would feel because we are not them and we have not lived their life. This is true! But when it comes to  the “counselors” needing the counseling and comfort they forget the other side of the coin and create roadblocks of rejection to their own comfort.

Requiring others, when you are hurting, to have exact suffering hinders the power of comfort through the Holy Spirit’s leading.

The Bible instructs us in I Corinthians 12:26, to rejoice with those who rejoice and to suffer with those who sorrow. The church body should be able to feel when one of their members is hurting and help them without feeling shamed for their lack of experience in that specific area.

I just fear that we sometimes demand that the comforters be exactly like us before we allow them to have any credibility. The truth is, no one will ever be like us and no one will ever know our heart’s sorrows like Jesus (Isaiah 53:3,4).

What I wish I could say…

Often I have reached out to offer love and support and found closed hearts and rejection. It has made me want to cry because I hurt with them whether they realize it or not. In the quietness of my heart I want to say, “I know hurt and loss too, and I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I know life is not easy and God does not always explain the reasons why He does things, even to His servants. In the darkest hours, when you feel rejected and despised, God still loves you. Please do not be so harsh when people try to be kind. I do not always know what to say or say it correctly but God has put in me a heart of compassion to extend a merciful hand of comfort. Please accept my words of consolation as genuine extensions of acknowledgement that you are hurting. I am hurting because you are.”

I want to go on to tell them, “All sorrow is painful no matter what form it comes in. I know the sorrow of not having a father in my life. I know the loss of divorce and the struggle of being in a single-parent home. I know the loss of friendships and material things when we lost our home in a fire. I cannot change my losses or suffering because God did not plan my life to be exactly like yours. I do not know precisely what you are going through but I can relate.

Please do not reduce my past hurt and the experiences God has led me through and exalt your own.  God has taught me so much and perhaps a few of the gems He gave me along the way were supposed to be shared with you. Sadly, you won’t allow me to share them with you because I’ve never experienced what you’ve gone through before.”

“When you are hurting not everyone will say the right things. You may be hurt because others are ignorant or selfish. Look for those that are reaching out to you in a special way. Give them a chance to possibly be the channel in which God comforts you. Please accept my love and concern as a touch from God.”

The last thing I would say is this,

“Reach out to God and boldly approach the throne of grace to help you through this trial you are going through. Then, look for those who are reaching out and accept their love. I want to be an extension of God’s love and comfort to you, if you’ll let me. Trust me, it will do a soul and body good! Lord willing, down the road, your trial will be able to help someone else in your life and ministry. “

Seeing then that we have a great high priest, passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16

I know that I am not always understood when I try to comfort those with different circumstances than mine, and although I hate that phrase that I can still bring them and their needs boldly before the throne of grace in prayer. I will not be offended when people create these roadblocks to their own comfort but will do my best to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading in what He wants me to do toward them.

Lord, please guide me and help me know how to help people who are hurting and allow this article to help them understand the other side of the coin.

Conquering Bad Thoughts

Conquering Bad Thoughts

Our mind is a battlefield where silent battles are fought daily. In our mind we can hide our thoughts and walk about our life without others knowing any of our thoughts. The enemy, Satan, can whisper lies to us that will swim around in the fish bowl of our mind until we begin to believe them. Once our thoughts have been established, then we begin to change… that is why we must be vigilant about conquering bad thoughts.

Wrong thoughts generally begin with “little” thoughts of:

  • Discontentment
  • Unthankfulness
  • Jealousy
  • Unfaithfulness to God, spouse, or children
  • Quitting church
  • Walking away from God
  • Prideful and self-exalting thoughts
  • Any other type of sinful thought that goes against scripture

Why are bad thoughts bad?

Because wrong thoughts turn into wrong actions.

Evil thoughts are listed with murder, adultery, and theft in Matthew 15:18-20. Someone does not kill, steal, or commit adultery without first thinking about it. That is why we must learn to conquer bad thoughts!

Conquering Bad Thoughts Dynamic 1

How to Conquer Bad Thoughts

1. Slay wrong and sinful thoughts immediately by casting them down.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. II Corinthians 10:5

If Satan can infiltrate your thoughts subtly then his goal is to get you to compromise Biblical standards and ruin God’s testimony through your life. His tactics are to render you useless for God’s purposes. When you realize that you have a sinful thought it must be brought into the obedience of Christ immediately.

Example: If the thought of being unfaithful to your spouse comes into your mind, you can quickly bring it into captivity by saying to yourself or out loud, “I am not going to commit adultery even in my mind. Marriage is honorable in all things.” Quoting scripture is the best way to bring your thoughts into the obedience of Christ. If the thought is about abusing prescription drugs  to run away from life’s problems, then bring it into captivity by reminding yourself that your body is the temple of the Lord, not for abusing drugs. You may have to cast down wicked imaginations repeatedly throughout your day.

2. Pray. Go to God with your thoughts and ask Him to take them from you.

Ephesians 6:18a Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit…

Disobedient and wrong thoughts are not wicked in and of themselves, it is when we begin to entertain the thoughts, agree with them, and validate them as truth so that we can justify wrong and sinful behavior. God understands that we will be tempted to do wrong things, but He also understands the source has originated because of spiritual warfare. God gives us the choice to choose to go to Him to fight our battles or He will allow us to fight them in our flesh.

In time our flesh will fail us, that is why it is so beneficial to go right to THE source for our help in prayer.

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rules of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

The battle in your mind is against principalities and evil. Humble prayer to God brings you into submission to Him for the answers and help for bad thoughts. God wants us to pray always and be dependent upon Him for our help, because where we are weak, He is strong.

3. Think Godly Thoughts.

To remove bad or wicked thoughts from your mind you must replace them with godly thoughts.

This is a simple principle that is used in Biblical counseling, sins must be replaced with something biblical and godly.

God has an entire list of wonderful things He wants us to think about to replace bad thoughts in Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue or praise, think on these things.

You may need to take a few minutes and write a list of things in your life that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of a good report. Thinking of the blessings of God has given to us will drive away wrong thoughts so we can show forth praise to Him and allow us to live in victory.

4. Put on the Whole Armor of God.

We must be guarded spiritually by the armor that we put on every day. Ephesians 6:13-17 is an entire study by itself, explaining the spiritual armor of a Christian.

God wants us to have:

  • Loins girt with Truth
  • The Breastplate of Righteousness
  • Feet shod with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace
  • Shield of Faith
  • Helmet of Salvation
  • Sword of the Spirit (which is the Word of God)

When you’re in the battle of your mind you can dress yourself in the armor of God or simply go to Ephesians 6 and read it asking yourself, “Do I have loins girt with truth?” “Am I putting on God’s righteousness instead of my own?” “Am I ready to give the gospel of peace to any person that may ask?” “Am I full of faith, wearing the helmet of salvation, and ready to conquer bad thoughts with the Sword of the Spirit?”

Give yourself a self-evaluation. The Holy Spirit will point out what you need to work on and enable you to stand strong against any type of thought that would hinder your relationship with God.

Pay attention and guard yourself as you notice what things in your life trigger thoughts that are not godly. Be ready for the battle of the mind to come against you on a daily basis, run to God for help in prayer, and deal with the bad thoughts accordingly. Do not allow them to conquer you, be ready to conquer them first!