Category: About Me

Beauty From Ashes

 

Beauty from Ashes

This is the last article in our Burned series and I wanted to share with all of you a personal story that occurred almost 10 years ago. Beauty came from the ashes of our experience.

A couple of months after my husband and I were married this memorable day occurred. All week I had called in to work because of a kidney infection, except on Friday I finally felt the obligation to go in. I was dreading the day because of stressful conditions at work on top of trying to get past the lingering kidney pain.

The Unexpected Flames

In the mid morning my husband called to talk to me on the phone for a few minutes. He was set to go into work around lunch time and get off later in the evening. As we were talking, he walked into our bedroom, and I could hear a distinct change in his voice. He was stunned by something, but I could not see what it was. He finally got across to me that there was a fire. I quickly reminded him of the fire extinguisher down the hallway next to the washer and dryer. He hung up the phone and rushed to spray out the fire.

Our iron had fallen onto the shirt draped on the board waiting to be ironed. When he walked into the room flames were dripping down the shirt sleeves and onto the carpet. He sprayed the fire until he could no longer see flames. The fumes of the spray caused him to leave the room. Having asthma he could not stay to breathe in any more of the dense particles in the air because it was making him cough. He walked down to the office and tell the apartment manager about what happened. He returned and found he had locked himself out and had to return to the office again and retrieve a spare key. As he opened the front door and black smoke billowed out. He says he felt the Lord speak to him and say, “Don’t go in there or you won’t come out alive.”

My husband called me telling me what happened and as I drove home fire trucks passed me along the way. Come to find out, because our fire was in an apartment complex it was considered a 4 or 5 alarm fire.  Red and yellow fire engines filled with men lined the streets to make sure the entire complex did not go up into flames. We were a bit embarrassed that all of those men were out there because of our fire.

Broken-Hearted Beginnings

My husband sat out on the grass across the street from our apartment building crushed. We watched the last of the flames extinguished and saw the firemen shovel our belongings onto heaps on the ground with all types of debris. One other unit was destroyed by fire, the apartment below us was filled with water from putting out the fire.

We had only been married for two months and in some ways it was devastating and honestly interesting. It was devastating to have only the clothes on our backs… my husband not even having a shirt on at the time, was given a shirt from a person in the complex. Both of our immediate families were hundreds of miles away, we were alone in many ways but…

God was working in our lives before our fire to take care of us.

Seeing God’s Care Before Our Fire

I believe it was 2 weeks earlier, an insurance salesman in our church, talked my husband into getting renter’s insurance. Little did we know that our policy would be cashed in full and take care of the apartment complex’s damages too since we were at fault for leaving the iron unattended. The fire chief was astonished that in his long history he had never come across anyone living in an apartment complex with renter’s insurance. That was God’s doing.

We smelled the smell of the smoke and the heat of the fire in the concrete after we were allowed to enter the apartment again. Some things were salvageable like the bookshelf of our yearbooks from high school and college.  We received a little money to help us buy clothes for church on Sunday and my husband’s job donated coats, a suit, bedding and towels. My employer gave us half of their Thanksgiving can drive donations and filled our pantry to the brim. Our church took up an offering of around $2,000 to help us. My aunt took us in until there was another apartment ready for us. When our insurance check came in we were able to buy new things for our home, even a Rowenta iron that shuts off automatically and is still working great! God’s provision for our great needs was demonstrated day after day in the weeks after the fire.

“We had nothing but God in that vulnerable moment where we sat on the grass across from the burnt apartment.”

We had nothing but God in that vulnerable moment where we sat on the grass across from the burnt apartment. The song on my heart was, “This is the Day.” God did make the day and I tried hard to console my husband and convince Him not to feel guilty because God knew what would happen to us that day.  I did have a turn of emotions and shock a day later that took a while to get over. But in those first moments, I felt God’s presence and His comfort. He was there sitting beside us and comforting us.

Beauty From Ashes

There was beauty from the ashes in our life . If you  study about fires, ashes are a fertilizer. They fertilize the ground to make it more productive for seed. That is why when a forest fire occurs new growth will begin again in the seasons to follow.

My grandmother shared this verse with us shortly after the fire,

“…we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.” Psalm 66:12

We were not wealthy because we had a large insurance check handed to us and things given to us. We were wealthy because of God’s presence and comfort was with us. We were blessed with physical things after our losses, but that cannot compare to the spiritual gift of God’s promise to be with us always.

We also became wealthy, because almost to the day, a year later, our first son was born. God gave us the gift of that sweet boy at that specific time, I believe, as a symbol of His love. He was another beauty from our ashes.

For You

I don’t know the fires of your life, how vulnerable you may feel, how alone or destitute you are spiritually or physically, but I pray that you will have trust enough to believe that God is with you. Seek out the comforts of the Holy Spirit, draw nigh to God and watch Him draw nigh to you. Allow the spiritual songs that speak whispers in your heart to fill your mind and sing praises to the Lord. He is worthy of all praise on good days and bad. I do not know exactly how God will bless you after your trials and experiences, but there is certainly a rich reward to those that love Him.

Satan will come and make you doubt in times after harsh fires, but dismiss his lies, and accept that beauty can come from ashes and fertilize your life to make you bloom in your spiritual life. I pray this personal testimony will be a blessing to you. If you are going through any type of spiritual burns and need prayer, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Read the other articles in this series:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Burned By Deep Ministry Hurts

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHealing From Deep Ministry Hurts

 

How I Met My Father

How I Met My Father Graphic

On a cool morning, a few days after Father’s Day, at 7:05 am when we drove into the parking lot of IHOP and opened the silvery doors of our minivan. We tried to pull the kids out without the toys and miscellaneous vacation items falling out. I looked around the parking lot to see if they were waiting in their car. My 17-year-old brother was going to be there too. No people looking like the photos I had seen were waiting in a vehicle. So I straightened my clothes and fixed my hair to look my best as we walked across the parking lot with a child holding my hand.

This whole day seemed the opposite of how normal life is. You usually take your father to meet the young man you want to marry, not take your husband and children to meet your father. But my entire life has not been “normal.” I have come to terms that my life was God’s choice and He allowed me to live in the life He had designed for me, with my mother and without my father.

There was always a vacuum in my heart because I had never met him.

There were questions and longings to always feel loved and accepted. The desire to want to feel loved and not lonely. The thought that if I had passed my father on the street that I would not even know what he looked like and he would not know me.

I was given his name some time into junior high and high school and done searches on his name on the internet. There were probably 8 men in the U.S. with the same name with various addresses around the country. How would I know who to contact? I did not attempt to contact any of them. Fear walked with me and spoke with me, causing me to worry. I worried that if I did contact him that he would not want to know me. He knew my whereabouts when I was 2 years old but never pursued me. Maybe he had no wish to have a relationship. The questions in my mind could go on forever speculating motives and not understanding reasons why things happened the way they did.

I had begged my mother my senior year, months before my graduation to find him so that he would know that I was graduating. I wanted him to be proud that I had accomplished something good in my life. Needless to say, that did not happen. I went on to Bible college and followed God’s call in my life but watched as God, the Father to the fatherless, helped me when I needed Him the most. Alone to provide for my school bill, God helped keep it paid, then provided a job so that I could pay. He provided loving family, my aunt and adopted families were very helpful to me throughout my college years. God always bridged the gap and ministered to my heart.

As I walked into the IHOP entrance, I looked down at the small brown squared tiles as I followed my husband into the door. We walked into the waiting area and it was empty. Now to wonder whether we were there first, or what was going to happen. Then, looking around the room, he waved from a table way in the back of the restaurant. He and my brother both stood and walked to meet us as we met them. It was not nearly as hard as I had expected to walk up and give a sideways hug.

They were family… but then again, they were strangers.

Our children were ushered into a booth and we sat at tables connected. I sat across from my brother, diagonal from my father. So, that’s what he really looked like in person! A tall man with large broad shoulders. He had a Texas accent and a nervous laugh that surfaced now and then. His hair is a sandy brown color and naturally curly.

As my brother talked about himself and his mother and his sisters, I was overwhelmed. He loved them so much and complimented them so many times, that I wanted to meet them myself. They sounded like wonderful people.  I hoped we could maintain a relationship and become close.

I ate most of my breakfast but did not talk as much as my husband did. He talked and broke the ice for me, so that I did not feel so uncomfortable. How do you bridge the gap of years with someone whose title should equal a familial closeness? We could not bridge the gap of this relationship in a few hours of a day.

I also took multiple trips to the bathroom with my kids, it was embarrassing and funny all at the same time. Apparently he asked my husband if I was going to be alright when I was away. He assured him that I was fine, but it was going to take time. I think he understood.

The kids did not know that day  who my father was, but some months later we explained that day at IHOP. We made a decision not to tell the kids in case things did not work out so they did not end up being hurt. We explained the situation to them and they understood in their childlike innocence and were sad I had that type of childhood since they love their Papa so much. Finally we explained that it was good that he was in our lives now, and they wholeheartedly agreed.

The time passed and it was time for us to get on our journey to reach our vacation destination on time. Another sideways hug in the parking lot and then they walked away. I did not know in those moments if they would walk away forever or not. Would I still be accepted after they left? That question was hanging in my heart. As they drove away, they both waved good-bye and we smiled and waved and continued putting our kids in the car.

Meeting him and my brother was a start. He does keep in contact often. I know that we have been worlds apart and our lives very different. I only know of 1 or 2 people who have ever met their father or mother as an adult, who was not adopted, which makes it hard to find people to talk to about the situation. There is a comfort that even though circumstances did not bring us together until that day at IHOP, that God was with me. He preserved me for His purposes for my family and for our ministry together, so that I could do what He wanted me to do.

It’s been a year now, and I pray the bond will grow and that he will learn to understand me for who I am. I hope he will appreciate who the Lord has made me to be. If he never does, my purpose is to always please God my Heavenly Father.

If you in your life or ministry know of an adult child that is meeting their parent for the first time or are navigating through this type of relationship and need someone to talk to, please have them contact me on my Contact page. I would love to help or listen if I can.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy, How to Help the Fatherless Child on Father’s Day.

 

I Am Pro-Life Because of My Mother

I Am Pro LifeOne of the most popular debates of our day is the pro-life and abortion topic. I must declare in honor of Mother’s Day that I am pro-life because of my mother.

A Humbling Choice

In 1982 my mother came home to her parents expecting a child. She would become an unwed mother at the age of 20. After living away from home for some time, she humbled herself and asked if she could come home. My grandparents received her back home declaring they would make lemonade out of life’s lemons.

A Decision to Make

My mother contemplated the decision on whether to keep the child or give the baby up for adoption. As a Christian, she knew if she were to give up the baby, the adoptive family might not tell her baby about Jesus Christ or the gift of salvation. She decided to keep the baby so she could teach her child about salvation herself.

The Baby’s Birth

The baby was born on a Sunday in the middle of a blizzard at a local hospital. Unexpectedly the baby was seen a deep blue color, believed to be dead. The baby finally stopped holding her breath and began crying. My mother was relieved and hopeful as she looked at her new daughter. The next week, she had the baby in church and was faithful to see she was in church for the rest of her childhood.

In a recent debate I had with a lady on Facebook, she was declaring that a mother should have a right to choose when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. She told me that I had no understanding of how hard life could be with an unwanted baby. I told her I did understand the hardships of that life because…

That baby was me.

A Testimony of Love

My mother lived with my grandparents until she was married when I was 4 years old. She went on to have 2 more daughters with my stepdad. When I was 14 years old, between my 7th and 8th grade year she was divorced. She was so kind to keep me in the same school district I had lived in since Kindergarten so that I could attend our small community school and graduate together with my long-time friends. She worked cleaning other people’s homes to pay for our home and needs and even blessings besides.

My single mother worked hard to instill into us good character, she taught us to work hard, to be faithful in the mundane. She taught us to listen to the needs of others as she ministered to other divorced women that she met along the way. My mother is not a perfect woman, but she is a passionate person for what she believes in. She loves the Lord and has taught me the most about how to serve others even when they may walk away and be ungrateful for your help when their problems have subsided. She continues to serve God in ministering to people, loving and going the extra mile, so she can make a difference for Christ.

When I was 12 years old at church camp, the Lord began speaking to my heart about serving Him in the ministry and I surrendered that week to His call. I came home and told my mother. There were times that I began walking away from God’s call on my life and my mom plainly declared that she did not want a “Jonah” living in her home running away from God. Her reminders helped me finally make it to Bible College where God kept working in my life and you can figure out the rest!

I am Pro Life Because of My Experience

I have seen God take the problems of life and use them for His purposes. He can take an unexpected child and use that child for His glory. He can demonstrate His faithfulness through being the Father to the fatherless for those without fathers. He can be and do what we cannot when we are faced with our greatest of difficulties. Terminating a pregnancy and killing a life eliminates God’s ability to do what He plans to do with that life. It places our will above His.

The Bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

God never promises that the consequences for our actions will not be difficult to deal with when we step out of God’s plans for sexual relationships or that the selfish choices someone made toward us, in the situation of rape, will not be painful. God allows difficult situations in life so that we will turn our hearts toward Him. He promises in this verse, that if you love Him, He will work all things together for good. Have you turned your heart toward God if you are in a situation like this?

My plea to those in the dilemma of choosing, life or death…

If you choose to keep your child, I can promise that life is precious and joy can be found in the person God brings to your life if you allow it. An unplanned pregnancy may cause heartache, difficult memories, or regret. But what about the multiplied blessings that can be in your life because of it?

Only God can make the good outweigh the bad in any situation of our life where we do not understand why He allows things to happen. You never know when the hardest time of your life may become a blessing in disguise.

Life is precious because life is a gift. It is more than a choice. Life at the moment of conception is a soul. It is a soul that is made in the image of the Creator, Himself, who loves us more than we could imagine. He first loved us before we were born. He created us in love with the hope we would turn to Him and love Him in return.

My Mother’s Faith

I love my mother because my mother loved my life first. I John 4:19 says about God, “We love him, because he first loved us.” God allowed me to see the picture of Himself through the love of my mother. God provided His Son Jesus Christ, before the foundation of the world, He knew His plan would be to sacrifice His Son because sin would enter the world, but He created man anyway. I am thankful that my mom loved me so much, and that one day at 4 years old I was able to accept Christ as my Saviour with her one day as she cooked spaghetti in our kitchen. She had faith in the moment she made the decision to keep me, that God would work in my heart and life, and He did!

Will you dare to love your child first?

I pray that if you are deciding whether to keep your baby or to have an abortion, that you would take a step of faith and trust that God loves you and your baby more than you even know or realize and that He can take both of your lives and change them for His glory. That your life will have a special story, if you will turn to Him and trust Him alone, for the answers. Your baby is precious and you have an opportunity to allow God to take what may seem bad and use it for good.

Thank you Lord for a mother that cherished my life. Thank you mom, for loving me, and teaching me about the Lord. I love you!

Unplanned Pregnancy